Wednesday, November 2, 2011

what is wrong with you Kim Kardashian?

I have two sons, one is 4 and the other 13, and I love them both very much.

A simple fact of the universality of life is these boys will end up as adults in a world far different than the world that welcomed me into my 20's. For my sons, their 20-something world will in part have been crafted by Kim Kardashian.

With her 72 day marriage now ending, we have been inundated with call after call of, 'what is she famous for?' Well, here is the answer. She is famous for the ability to weasel herself into our social consciousness better than Colonel Tom Parker did for Elvis. And just when you think her fifteen minutes is up, she tosses a couple more quarters into the meter.

Thanks to the internet and the website for the entertainment show "Extra" (almost as pointless as Kim Kardashian) I have some fast facts about that [insert your own pejorative slang here] Kim Kardashian.

She was born in 1980, when I was in 7th grade. She had her first acting role in 2006 in the television series “Beyond the Break.” Kim makes $5.545 million every year (seriously, WTF?). In 2007 she posed nude in Playboy magazine (almost tame, really). Kim considers singer/actress Jennifer Lopez to be her style icon (you just made the list J-Lo!). Deep-fried Oreos are Kim’s favorite sweet (I guess we know where the boobs and ass come from). And, Kim’s favorite movies include “Clueless” and “The Notebook (any clueless joke here would be superfluous).

Not covered on the "Extra" website is what occurred in October of 2007. This is when it first came to light that a pornographic home video existed featuring Ms. Kardashian and Singer Ray J. (his net worth is $18 million). If one were to chart the Kardashian meteoric rise to fame, 2007 would be the year when her line went from flat to vertical and the attribution goes to her ability to remain in the camera shot while diddling Mr. Ray's "J" (junk).
I could sit behind my keyboard and wag my finger in an accusatory manner at Kim but honestly, that would leave several fingers pointed back at myself. I have seen the video featuring Kim and Ray J. I have clicked on the "Slide Show" link on web pages covering crap that happens in her life. And when it was announced she was divorcing Kris Humphries (who seriously looks like that werewolf guy from the Twilight movies) after less than three months of marriage, I got to a TV with a cable news network as soon as I could.
Shame on me. I am the 99%, a member of the dull witted masses who fuel these kinds of stories and give credence to celebrity bad behavior. In fact, I am pretty sure that as I write these words, there is a cookie in my computer that is recording my blog as mentioning Kim Kardashian. Subsequently a market research firm will collect that information and for a fee pass it on to media consultants who will convince media outlets that Kim is still a hot item and guaranteed ratings gold! And in the end, what will my reward be? You guessed it, more Kim Kardashian!

And while I am on the topic of Kim Kardashian, I was listening to an interview she gave to an Australian news outlet where she defended her getting married the Mr. Humphries as her following her heart and not just a publicity stunt. According to her, she believes in love. Well, allow me to be the little boy who points out the Emperor has no clothes, Kim (yup - I tied public nudity in a fable to Kim Kardashian and as it turns out, not such a stretch after all). 

Kim, look at me. Marriage is no more about love than taking a bath is about shitting in the water. Marriage is about commitment. Feelings of love will wax and wane over the years and the commitment of a true marriage is the bridge that crosses the valleys. If you were not willing to stick it out with Sharkboy (that kid grew up to be the werewolf in Twilight) you shouldn't have married him in the first place. But you didn't know that, did you? And that means you won't be able to give that example to my sons, will you? 

I am counted among the divorced. I was married in 1994 and divorced in 2005. Before becoming engaged that first time, the woman who would be my wife actually said to me that she didn't care if we were so poor that we had to live in a double-wide trailer, she just wanted to be my wife. Twelve years later, in our four bedroom house she let me know she didn't love me any more and wanted out. It figures.
So allow me Kim, to pass a lesson onto my sons, and all of the other kids out there when I say, if you find yourself married and are having a hard time warming yourself to feelings of love for your spouse, don't worry, panic, or freak out. That is a sign that everything is okay and you are in a real marriage. Fake it until you make it, try a little tenderness, work on the sexual intimacy, don't be too sensitive about your boundaries, and be more respectful of your spouse's, and it will be okay. That is what my parents taught me and that is all you need to know about marriage. Mom and Dad have been married now for 60 years. It was on their 50th wedding anniversary that I went to see my attorney about a divorce. Irony is a bitch.
Suzanne Vega has a song called Frank and Ava. It is about the very short marriage between Frank Sinatra and Ava Gardener, marked with almost constant arguments and fighting which many observed was a result of their passionate love for each other. It is one of my favorite songs of hers. Here is a portion of the lyrics.

He's so true. She is too. 
She says I love you Frank,
and then they drank,
all night. What a fight.
He says it isn't me,

you're thinking of

She's cool. It makes him cruel,

And they needle till,

the jewels go raining down,
upon the ground.
She says it's not enough,

to be in love.

Not enough, to be in love.

Not enough, to be in love. 

How right you are Suzanne.