Wednesday, November 4, 2015

tell us a little about yourself

I recently submitted a picture book manuscript to a publisher that uses an on-line submission form that's a clearing house for several publishers. To make my submission, first I had to create a profile, which required filling in lots and lots of answers to questions that were at the same time vague, yet needless. One of those questions asked for a third person biography statement explaining what events in your life were influential in becoming a writer.

That's a question deserving of a good answer, if you're a good writer.

"Whenever he looks back at his childhood, Edward can't help but bite his lip in anguish. So many wasted days redefining the phrase 'latchkey kid' while nursing on whatever was in the refrigerator and watching whatever was on the television. Mentally gifted, as evidenced by standardized tests, he grows larger while his true intelligence is masked by an apathy for school work. He is the third and last child in his family, the enormous baby of the litter, ignored by a brother and sister already set loose on the world, and by parents too busy with their own careers to have dinner with him at night. It was here in this emotional prison of abandonment where he begins to tell himself stories to make himself smile, and laugh, and shutter with excitement. Now is his time, today is his day, when the world will find out what he was doing with himself when he should have been playing baseball and taking piano lessons. You see, Edward has become a writer."

That's some serious Joker shit right there, leading to the next question, "Why so serious?"